No one would notice if I died tonight. No one would care if I died tonight. No one would notice if I disappeared in the night. No one would care if I disappeared in the night. And no one would notice if left without a goodbye. So why am I still here? Why am I still alive? *sigh* My life is shit right now. I'd love to die but there are reasons, though not really that good, that I am continuing to live my shitty life. x.x Sometimes I wonder if I should die. I mean, what's the point of living when being alive is worse than dying? Death is peaceful, easy. Life is shit, complicated. I hate my life. I hate everything about. I've never had a happy memory in my entire life. And every day just adds to the collection of pain and misery. I hate it. I hate this all. Can't I just be left alone to die? No, people must always come and add to my misery. It's all my fault; for making these friends. If I would have just stayed a loner like before, my life would be a whole lot simpler right now. No complicated friendships. Less depression. I'd just be alone. Listening to music. Being an A+ student. Just feeling nothing. Back in elementary school I never felt anything. No happiness, yet no sadness either. Yet now, now that I've gained these friends I've felt nothing but sadness and I would love to go back to my innocent bubble of numbness. Sure back in elementary school no one knew I existed, and even my teachers forgot about me at times. Sure no one cared, and no one helped me. But it was better that way. Nothing was complicated, confusing. Nothing was sad because I didn't know what sadness was back then. Everything was just numbness. Sure I pretended to be happy so people wouldn't see, but I liked the numb feeling. I didn't have to deal with endless pain. Endless misery. Eternal oblivion. I was alone. And I liked it that way. *sigh* I wish I could go back to that time and relive those perfect moments. Sure they're not happy memories. But they're so much better than the shit I have to deal with day in and day out now. *sigh* I've been happy a total of 2 times in my life. That's it. And both were recent. But they only lasted minutes, for someone or something dragged me back into depression. *sigh* And here I am again, depressed and writing a post. Dam this life. Life sucks and then you die. Ya I should be that lucky. Depression kills and I believe that one day, one day soon, it shall take my life and rip it to shreds. Not like there's much to rip away at anywayz. I mean, each days the same. It's beginning to be a bit monotonous. *sigh* Every day I feel more and more sad. The black hole that is my heart grows, ever so slowly, with each sad thought. Soon I shall be destroyed by my own being. Killed by my own thoughts. I hate this life. I hate everything about it. Someone end my misery. Just kill me now. Please. I'm sorry, goodbye.
Dying,
-Haruka Shinigami
I'm sorry I'm dying~
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